Get ready to start the new year with a laugh as we delve into some hillarious new years resolution jokes. As the countdown begins, why not kick-start 2022 with a dose of humor and levity? From poking fun at common resolutions to clever quips about failed commitments, these jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face and set the tone for a fantastic year ahead. So sit back, relax, and let the comedic relief of these New Year’s resolution jokes add some extra cheer to your day.
Whether you’re a die-hard resolution maker or someone who prefers to take each day as it comes, these jokes will surely resonate with anyone who has ever embarked on a journey of self-improvement at the start of a new year. So why not brighten up your day and share a chuckle with friends and family as we embrace the fresh start that comes with the arrival of January 1st.
Best New Years Resolution Jokes
Here’s five jokes about New Years Resolution:
1. Why did the calendar break up with the clock on New Year’s Eve?
Because it couldn’t handle the ticking pressure of their relationship!
2. I’m determined to exercise more in the new year. So far, I’ve decided to run… out of excuses!
3. My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic. So far, my glass is still half empty… but I’m working on it!
4. I’ve decided to finally learn how to cook in the new year. So far, my culinary skills are so bad that even the smoke alarm is cheering me on!
5. This year, I’m focusing on self-care and relaxation. So you can find me in 2023… still trying to figure out how to pronounce “hygge.”
Family Friendly New Years Resolution Jokes
Here’s some family friendly funny jokes about New Years Resolution:
1. Why did the math book have a great New Year’s resolution? It wanted to be a whole new chapter in 2022.
2. What’s a Jedi’s favorite New Year’s resolution? To use the Force more wisely in the coming year.
3. Why did the calendar break up with the clock? It felt like it was time to start a new year with better time management.
4. I made a resolution to read more books this year. So far, I’ve managed to read the back of a cereal box every morning.
5. My New Year’s resolution is to be more organized, but I haven’t figured out where to start yet.
6. I resolved to be more positive in 2022. Who am I kidding? I can’t even be positive that I’ll stick to that resolution.
7. My New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating, but I’ll probably start working on that tomorrow.
8. Why did the smartphone break up with the tablet on New Year’s Eve? It couldn’t handle the commitment to a resolution of less screen time.
9. My resolution for the new year is to exercise more. So far, my idea of exercise is lifting a slice of pizza to my mouth.
10. What did the snowman’s New Year’s resolution involve? Shedding those extra snow pounds before spring arrives.
11. My New Year’s resolution is to be more eco-friendly. I’ve already switched to using reusable shopping bags… for my takeout orders.
12. I resolved to learn a new language this year. So far, I can say “hello” and “goodbye” in 10 different languages, but I have no idea how to ask for directions.
13. My New Year’s resolution is to be more patient. I’ll start working on it as soon as I finish waiting for this slow driver to turn.
14. Why did the comedian’s New Year’s resolution involve more laughter? He wanted to start the year off on the right joke.
15. My resolution for the new year is to be more spontaneous. So far, the most spontaneous thing I’ve done is try a new flavor of ice cream.
16. What did the grape say when it made a New Year’s resolution? It’s time to “wine” down and relax more in 2022.
17. I made a resolution to save more money this year. It’s going great so far… I’ve saved all the receipts from my online shopping.
18. Why did the cat make a resolution to nap less in the new year? It wanted to spend more time chasing shadows and laser pointers.
19. My New Year’s resolution is to become a morning person. So far, mornings and I are just not seeing eye to eye.
20. Why did the vegetable make a New Year’s resolution to go to the gym more? It wanted to be a “beet” more fit in 2022.
New Years Resolution Jokes One-liners – Short Jokes
1. “My new year’s resolution is to be less of a procrastinator… starting tomorrow.”
2. “I’m going to start eating more vegetables… by ordering extra toppings on my pizza.”
3. “I resolve to be more organized this year… but first, let me find my to-do list.”
4. “I’m determined to exercise more… by mastering the art of clicking ‘Next Episode’.”
5. “My resolution is to save more money… by avoiding my online shopping cart.”
6. “I’m going to read more books this year… I just need to find one with a really short title.”
7. “I’m going to be more positive… until 9 am when reality kicks in.”
8. “I resolve to be more environmentally friendly… by recycling my excuses for not doing it.”
9. “I’m going to focus on self-care this year… starting with taking daily naps.”
10. “My resolution is to be more adventurous… in trying new takeout options.”
11. “I’m going to learn a new skill this year… like how to perfectly microwave leftovers.”
12. “I resolve to stop overthinking… I think.”
13. “I’m going to finally stick to a budget this year… after one last shopping spree.”
14. “I’m going to stop hitting the snooze button… just as soon as I find my alarm clock.”
15. “I’m determined to conquer my fear of public speaking… by practicing in front of my pets.”
16. “I resolve to be more tech-savvy this year… by asking my 8-year-old nephew for help.”
17. “I’m going to be more mindful… starting with remembering where I put my keys.”
18. “My new year’s resolution is to be more active… on social media.”
19. “I’m going to spend more time outdoors… scrolling through nature photos on Instagram.”
20. “I’m going to start journaling every day… starting with my thoughts on what to write in my journal.”
New Years Resolution Dad Jokes
1. Why did the clock go to therapy? Because it had too many resolutions it couldn’t keep up with!
2. What do you call a goal that involves eating healthier in the new year? A new year’s “risk-olution”!
3. Why was the math book sad on New Year’s Day? Because it had too many problems to solve!
4. Why did the gym member make a resolution to drink more water? They wanted to be a “well-hydrated” jokester!
5. How did the calendar win the marathon? It kept on running towards its new year’s goals!
6. Why did the vegetable resolve to be more active in the new year? Because it wanted to “lettuce” exercise more!
7. What do you call a resolution to watch more comedy shows in the new year? A “laugh-out-resoloud” promise!
8. Why did the music lover resolve to learn a new instrument in the new year? Because they wanted to “tune” their skills!
9. How did the resolution to read more books in the new year end? It “novel-y” made it to the last page!
10. Why did the comedian make a resolution to tell better jokes in the new year? Because they wanted to “stand-up” for their comedy!
11. What resolution did the plants make for the new year? To “grow” stronger and healthier each day!
12. Why did the fruits make a resolution to work out more in the new year? So they can have the “berry” best fitness levels!
13. What do you call a resolution to travel more in the new year? A “globetrot-olution” of course!
14. Why did the couch potato make a resolution to be more active in the new year? Because it wanted to “sofa-cate” its unhealthy habits!
15. How did the aspiring chef plan to keep their resolution to cook more in the new year? By adding a “pinch” of determination to every recipe!
16. Why did the baker make a resolution to try new recipes in the new year? Because it wanted to “rise” to the occasion!
17. What do you call a resolution to practice meditation daily in the new year? A “mindful-olution” of course!
18. Why did the dog make a resolution to learn new tricks in the new year? Because it wanted to be the “paw”-fect companion!
19. How did the resolution to spend more time outdoors in the new year go? It “naturally” led to amazing adventures!
20. Why did the bird make a resolution to sing more in the new year? Because it wanted to “tweet” its way to happiness!
New Years Resolution Surreal Jokes
1. “My New Year’s resolution is to finally learn how to speak dolphin fluently. I hear they have great jokes underwater.”
2. “I’ve decided that this year I will only communicate through interpretive dance. Get ready for some epic performances!”
3. “For 2022, I’m going to start a collection of mismatched socks and build a shrine for the lost mates.”
4. “I’ve decided to train my pet rock to do tricks. So far, it’s showing great potential as a paperweight.”
5. “This year, I’m going to master the art of parallel universe hopping. Imagine the possibilities!”
6. “I resolve to only wear clothes made of recycled materials, like old newspaper and bubble wrap. Fashion with a purpose!”
7. “In 2022, I’m going to start a support group for misunderstood garden gnomes. They have feelings too, you know!”
8. “My New Year’s resolution is to become a professional thumb wrestler. I’ve been training all year for the big leagues.”
9. “I’ve decided to start a band with my kitchen appliances. The toaster on lead vocals is already a showstopper!”
10. “This year, I’m going to learn how to juggle chainsaws. Safety first, of course!”
11. “My resolution is to become a certified unicorn whisperer. They have so much wisdom to share if you listen closely.”
12. “I’m going to start a petition to make Mondays illegal. Who’s with me?”
13. “I’ve decided to become a professional hide-and-seek player. I’ll be the champion of disappearing acts!”
14. “In 2022, I’m going to master the art of making gourmet meals out of cereal. It’s all about presentation, right?”
15. “My New Year’s resolution is to finally solve the mystery of why socks always disappear in the dryer. The truth is out there!”
16. “I’ve decided to train my cat to do impersonations of famous historical figures. Cleopatra is getting pretty good at Napoleon Bonaparte!”
17. “This year, I’m going to start a trend of wearing sunglasses at night. Who needs to see clearly when you can look cool?”
18. “My resolution is to perfect the art of napkin origami. My dream is to fold a crane that can fly.”
19. “I’ve decided to become a professional cloud watcher. They have some fascinating stories to tell up there!”
20. “In 2022, I’m going to start a club for introverted extroverts. We’ll meet once a month for silent karaoke sessions.”
New Years Resolution Dark Humor Jokes
Here’s some funny New Years Resolution jokes for adults:
1. “My new year’s resolution is to be more positive… HIV positive.”
2. “I’m determined to lose weight this year… at least one of my limbs.”
3. “I’m going to focus on self-care this year… like making sure I have enough alcohol to get me through it.”
4. “I’m going to be more punctual in 2022… starting with being on time to my own funeral.”
5. “I’m going to work on improving my communication skills… by practicing my ghosting techniques.”
6. “I’m going to prioritize my mental health this year… by avoiding all responsibilities.”
7. “I’m going to try to be more organized this year… starting with my collection of unresolved issues.”
8. “I’m going to work on being more assertive in 2022… like telling my therapist their advice is terrible.”
9. “I’m going to focus on my personal growth this year… mainly by avoiding mirrors.”
10. “I’m going to try to be more eco-friendly in 2022… by recycling my bad decisions.”
11. “I’m going to work on my social skills this year… by practicing my fake laughs.”
12. “I’m going to prioritize my sleep schedule in 2022… by staying up all night worrying about the future.”
13. “I’m going to be more adventurous this year… by exploring new ways to disappoint myself.”
14. “I’m going to focus on improving my relationships in 2022… by avoiding them altogether.”
15. “I’m going to try to be more mindful this year… by reminding myself that I have no idea what I’m doing.”
16. “I’m going to work on being more financially responsible in 2022… by staying away from my bank account.”
17. “I’m going to focus on my personal development this year… like finally learning how to cook something other than instant noodles.”
18. “I’m going to prioritize my self-care in 2022… by canceling plans and staying in bed all day.”
19. “I’m going to try to be more active this year… by running away from my problems.”
20. “I’m going to work on my time management skills in 2022… by procrastinating even harder than before.”
How to Use New Years Resolution Jokes In a Conversation?
Incorporating New Year’s Resolution Jokes in Conversations
Humor is a great way to break the ice and lighten the mood in conversations. New Year’s resolution jokes can be a fun and light-hearted way to start a conversation or bring some laughter into a discussion. Whether you’re at a New Year’s party or chatting with friends and family, these jokes can add a touch of humor to your interactions.
Use them as Icebreakers
When meeting new people or trying to start a conversation, new year’s resolution jokes can be a great icebreaker. You can open with a joke like, “My New Year’s resolution is to remember to write 2023 instead of 2022 on all my documentsÉ by March!” This light-hearted joke can help set a positive tone for the conversation and make others feel more at ease.
Lighten the Mood
If the conversation starts to get tense or serious, a well-timed joke can help lighten the mood. For example, if someone mentions their commitment to hitting the gym more in the new year, you can respond with a playful joke like, “I’m still working on my resolution to take the stairs instead of the elevatorÉ I live on the 20th floor!” This can help diffuse any tension and bring some laughter into the conversation.
Connect with Others
Sharing new year’s resolution jokes can also help you connect with others who may have similar goals or experiences. For instance, if someone mentions their resolution to eat healthier, you can bond over the struggle of resisting that tempting dessert. By sharing jokes related to common resolutions, you can find common ground with others and create a sense of camaraderie.
Use them Sparingly
While new year’s resolution jokes can be a fun addition to conversations, it’s important to use them sparingly and gauge the mood of the conversation. Be mindful of others’ reactions and make sure the jokes are appropriate for the setting. By using these jokes in moderation, you can ensure that they enhance the conversation without overwhelming it.
Final words
In conclusion, New Year’s resolution jokes provide a lighthearted and humorous way to reflect on the common phenomenon of setting goals at the beginning of each year. These jokes offer a witty and relatable perspective on the challenges and often unrealistic nature of resolutions, reminding us not to take ourselves too seriously as we strive for self-improvement. Whether poking fun at the predictable nature of resolutions or the difficulty of sticking to them, these jokes have a universal appeal that can bring a smile to anyone’s face. So, as we enter a new year filled with aspirations and goals, let’s not forget to sprinkle in some laughter with these hilarious New Year’s resolution jokes.
