Get ready to laugh your way into the new year with these hilarious new year resolution jokes. As the calendar turns over, many people are making resolutions to improve themselves in various ways. However, these jokes poke fun at the common struggles and challenges that can arise when trying to stick to those goals.
From dieting to exercise, these jokes cover a wide range of resolutions that people often make at the start of the new year. Whether you’re aiming to hit the gym more regularly or trying to cut back on unhealthy habits, these jokes provide a light-hearted take on the pitfalls and obstacles that can stand in the way of achieving those resolutions.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy some good-natured humor about the trials and tribulations of new year’s resolutions. After all, a good laugh is a great way to kick off the year on a positive note.
Best New Year Resolution Jokes
Here’s five jokes about New Year Resolution:
1. Why did the New Year’s resolution go to the gym? To get a little more “resolve” in its workout routine!
2. What do you call a New Year’s resolution that’s easy to keep? A low-hanging fruitcake!
3. Why did the New Year’s resolution break up with February? It just didn’t have the “time” to commit!
4. What’s a procrastinator’s favorite New Year’s resolution? “I’ll start next year!”
5. How did the New Year’s resolution respond when asked about its progress? It said, “I’m still a work in progress… just like last year!”
Family Friendly New Year Resolution Jokes
Here’s some family friendly funny jokes about New Year Resolution:
1. My New Year’s resolution is to be more organized… starting tomorrow.
2. This year, I’m resolving to finally learn how to cook… without setting off the smoke alarm.
3. My resolution for the new year is to exercise more… by walking to the fridge and back.
4. I’m going to stop procrastinating in the new year… starting next week.
5. My New Year’s resolution is to eat healthier… after I finish this tub of ice cream.
6. This year, I’m resolving to be more patient… starting with my family members.
7. I’m going to be more positive in the new year… unless it’s before my morning coffee.
8. My resolution for the new year is to save more money… by not looking at my bank account.
9. I’m going to be more mindful in the new year… by not texting while walking into walls.
10. My New Year’s resolution is to read more books… after I finish binge-watching this series.
11. This year, I’m resolving to be more environmentally friendly… starting by remembering to bring my reusable bags to the store.
12. I’m going to be more adventurous in the new year… by trying new flavors of potato chips.
13. My resolution for the new year is to be more creative… by coming up with excuses for why I’m not sticking to my other resolutions.
14. My New Year’s resolution is to be more grateful… for all the leftovers in my fridge.
15. This year, I’m resolving to be more spontaneous… as soon as I make a to-do list.
16. I’m going to be more social in the new year… by updating my Instagram bio.
17. My resolution for the new year is to prioritize self-care… by taking more naps.
18. I’m going to be more decisive in the new year… maybe.
19. My New Year’s resolution is to practice mindfulness… by focusing on how much I love pizza.
20. This year, I’m resolving to be more creative… with my excuses for why I didn’t stick to last year’s resolutions.
New Year Resolution Jokes One-liners – Short Jokes
1. “My New Year’s resolution is to lose weight by only eating foods that are shaped like numbers 20 and 21.”
2. “I resolved to start my own pet psychic business in the new year – my crystal ball says it’s going to be ruff!”
3. “My New Year’s resolution is to finally learn how to pronounce ‘quinoa’ correctly.”
4. “I’m going to write a novel in the new year about a group of time-traveling cats who solve mysteries. It’s going to be purr-fect!”
5. “I resolve to finally conquer my fear of public speaking by only giving speeches while wearing a superhero cape.”
6. “My New Year’s resolution is to start a vegetable garden so I can finally fulfill my dream of becoming a tomato whisperer.”
7. “I’m going to organize my sock drawer in the new year – they’ve been in a ‘mismatched’ relationship for far too long.”
8. “I resolve to learn how to play the accordion in the new year – the world needs more accordion solos, right?”
9. “My New Year’s resolution is to learn to speak Italian fluently so I can finally impress my pizza delivery guy.”
10. “I’m going to take up meditation in the new year to help me find inner peace… and that missing sock.”
11. “I resolve to start a food blog in the new year where I only review dishes with punny names, like ‘pasta la vista, baby’.”
12. “My New Year’s resolution is to finally master the art of not setting off the fire alarm every time I cook.”
13. “I’m going to start practicing yoga in the new year so I can finally achieve the impossible: touching my toes.”
14. “I resolve to become a master chef in the new year by perfecting the art of macaroni art.”
15. “My New Year’s resolution is to challenge myself by running a marathon – of Netflix shows.”
16. “I’m going to take up knitting in the new year so I can finally fulfill my dream of creating a sweater for my pet goldfish.”
17. “I resolve to start a composting bin in the new year – my plants have been giving me some serious side-eye lately.”
18. “My New Year’s resolution is to write a love letter to a different type of cheese every day.”
19. “I’m going to finally conquer my fear of heights by climbing to the top of my bunk bed in the new year.”
20. “I resolve to become a master origami artist in the new year so I can finally impress my cat with tiny paper cranes.”
New Year Resolution Dad Jokes
1. Why did the skeleton go to the gym as a New Year’s resolution? To build some body mass!
2. I asked my friend what his New Year’s resolution was and he said “1080p.”
3. My New Year’s resolution is to be more politically correct, so now I’m officially a moderate lifter.
4. Why did the man break up with his New Year’s resolution? Because it was too much of a commitment.
5. I told my New Year’s resolution that it needed to shape up, and now it’s training to be a circle!
6. I asked my friend what his fitness New Year’s resolution was and he said “running late.”
7. My New Year’s resolution is to be less indecisive, but I’m not sure if I can stick to it.
8. I asked my New Year’s resolution if it was ready for the new year, it said “Yeah, I’m well-prepared!”
9. Why did the calendar go to therapy? It had too many issues with commitment and resolution.
10. My New Year’s resolution is to stop making bad chemistry jokes, but all the good ones argon.
11. I asked my dad what his New Year’s resolution was and he said “to stop getting cheesy.”
12. I asked my New Year’s resolution if it needed a spot at the gym, it said “Nah, I can handle the weight myself.”
13. Why did the clock break up with its New Year’s resolution? It wasn’t the right time for commitment.
14. My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic, but I’m not holding my breath.
15. I asked my friend what his finance New Year’s resolution was and he said “getting paid in laughs.”
16. Why did the smartphone break up with its New Year’s resolution? It wasn’t getting the right connections.
17. My New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating, but I’ll start tomorrow.
18. I asked my New Year’s resolution if it was single and it said “No, I’m just not attached.”
19. Why did the pencil sharpen its New Year’s resolution? To stay on point.
20. My New Year’s resolution is to learn sign language, but so far I haven’t heard a word.
New Year Resolution Surreal Jokes
1. This year, I resolve to finally learn how to speak dolphin so I can have deep conversations with them at the aquarium.
2. My New Year’s resolution is to start a support group for people who are addicted to eating glitter.
3. I’m planning to take up synchronized swimming with my pet goldfish in 2022.
4. This year, I vow to find out who keeps stealing all the left socks from my dryer.
5. My resolution is to start a social media campaign to make the pineapple the official fruit of winter.
6. I’m determined to perfect my interpretive dance routine based on the history of toothpaste.
7. I will conquer my fear of vacuum cleaners once and for all this year.
8. This year, I’m going to start a business selling custom-made wigs for garden gnomes.
9. I resolve to finally learn how to knit cat sweaters for stray felines in my neighborhood.
10. My New Year’s resolution is to write a musical about the secret lives of pigeons in the city.
11. I vow to break the world record for the longest time spent balancing a spoon on my nose.
12. This year, I will perfect my impression of a walrus trying to hula hoop.
13. I resolve to start a petition to make pajamas acceptable office attire.
14. I’m determined to invent a new holiday where we celebrate by eating nothing but marshmallows for 24 hours.
15. My resolution is to learn how to communicate with plants so I can finally understand what my succulents are gossiping about.
16. This year, I’m going to become a professional cheese sculptor and open a gallery dedicated to dairy art.
17. I resolve to start a recycling program for discarded fortune cookie fortunes.
18. I’m determined to solve the mystery of why socks always go missing in the dryer and return as mismatched pairs.
19. My New Year’s resolution is to start a magazine dedicated to showcasing the fashionable outfits of garden gnomes around the world.
20. I vow to start a podcast where I interview animals about their favorite types of cheese.
New Year Resolution Dark Humor Jokes
Here’s some funny New Year Resolution jokes for adults:
1. “This year, I resolve to procrastinate more efficiently. Why do today what can be put off until next year?”
2. “My New Year’s resolution is to stop making resolutions that I know I won’t keep. So I guess that means I won’t be making any resolutions this year.”
3. “I’m going to exercise more in the new year. Specifically, my right to remain seated on the couch.”
4. “My resolution for the new year is to be more positive. HIV positive, that is.”
5. “I’m going to finally get organized in the new year. Starting with a detailed list of all the ways I plan to procrastinate.”
6. “This year, I resolve to be more spontaneous. Like randomly deciding to stay in bed all day instead of adulting.”
7. “I’m going to be more environmentally friendly in the new year. By recycling all the excuses I use for not going to the gym.”
8. “My resolution is to learn a new language. Specifically, the language of sarcasm. It’s a dying art form, you know.”
9. “I resolve to be more mindful in the new year. Mindful of all the delicious junk food I’m going to consume.”
10. “This year, I’m going to embrace change. Especially the kind that jingles in my pocket.”
11. “I resolve to read more in the new year. Starting with the terms and conditions I never bother to read before clicking ‘I agree.'”
12. “My resolution for the new year is to be more creative. Like coming up with new excuses for why I’m still single.”
13. “I’m going to be more health-conscious in the new year. By eating my kale chips while binge-watching Netflix.”
14. “This year, I resolve to save more money. By cutting back on my long-standing tradition of impulse buying.”
15. “I’m going to be more adventurous in the new year. Starting with trying new flavors of ice cream.”
16. “My resolution is to be more tech-savvy in the new year. Like finally figuring out how to change the clock in my car.”
17. “I resolve to be more honest in the new year. Just kidding, I’m a fantastic liar.”
18. “This year, I’m going to take better care of myself. By investing in more comfortable sweatpants.”
19. “I resolve to be more social in the new year. Online. Where I can still wear pajamas.”
20. “My resolution for the new year is to be more present. Present in front of the TV, that is.”
How to Use New Year Resolution Jokes In a Conversation?
New Year’s resolution jokes can be a lighthearted and fun way to start a conversation or add some humor to any social gathering. These jokes often poke fun at the common resolutions people make at the beginning of the year, such as hitting the gym more often, eating healthier, or finally sticking to a budget. Here are some tips on how to use New Year’s resolution jokes effectively in a conversation:
Setting the Tone
When introducing New Year’s resolution jokes into a conversation, it’s important to set the tone with a light and playful attitude. Let others know that you’re simply trying to add some humor to the conversation and not making fun of anyone’s personal goals or aspirations.
Timing is Key
Choose the right moment to drop a New Year’s resolution joke into the conversation. Wait for a lull in the discussion or find a natural segue that allows you to smoothly transition to a joke about resolutions. Avoid interrupting serious or important discussions with jokes that might come off as insensitive.
Keep it Relatable
Pick New Year’s resolution jokes that are relatable to a broad audience. Focus on common resolutions that many people make, like trying to exercise more or save money. This way, you’re more likely to get a good-natured chuckle from everyone in the conversation.
Know Your Audience
Consider the sensibilities of your audience before sharing a New Year’s resolution joke. If you’re unsure how a particular joke might be received, it’s best to err on the side of caution and choose a different one. Avoid jokes that may be offensive or touch on sensitive topics.
Follow Up
After sharing a New Year’s resolution joke, be prepared to engage in further conversation. You can ask others about their own resolutions, share funny anecdotes related to goals you’ve set in the past, or simply keep the light-hearted vibe going with more jokes.
By following these tips, you can effectively incorporate New Year’s resolution jokes into your conversations and bring a smile to the faces of those around you.
Final words
In conclusion, ringing in the New Year with a sense of humor is a great way to start off on the right foot. These hilarious New Year resolution jokes provide a light-hearted take on the common practice of setting goals for the upcoming year. They serve as a reminder to not take ourselves too seriously and to find humor in our efforts to improve ourselves.
From weight loss goals to promises to exercise more, these jokes highlight the universal struggle that many individuals face when committing to New Year resolutions. By poking fun at the often unrealistic or overambitious nature of these resolutions, these jokes offer a fresh perspective on the tradition of setting goals for the coming year. Ultimately, laughter is a powerful tool that can help us stay motivated and positive as we strive to become the best versions of ourselves in the New Year.
