Get ready to laugh out loud with these hilarious army jokes! From drill sergeants to deployment mishaps, these jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone and have you cracking up in no time. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy a good chuckle at the expense of our brave men and women in uniform. These jokes are perfect for anyone who loves a good military-themed laugh or just needs a little pick-me-up in their day.
Whether you have served in the military yourself or just appreciate a good joke, these army jokes are bound to entertain. No topic is off-limits as these jokes poke fun at everything from basic training to military jargon. So, get ready to share a laugh with your fellow soldiers, veterans, or anyone else who enjoys a good sense of humor.
So, get ready to salute these side-splitting army jokes and share them with your friends and family. Whether you need a break from reality or just want to spread some laughter, these jokes are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face. Laugh along with these military-themed jokes and brighten your day with some good old-fashioned humor.
Best Army Jokes
Here’s five jokes about Army:
1. Why did the scarecrow join the army? He heard they were outstanding in their field!
2. Why do soldiers make terrible comedians? Because they can’t handle any friendly fire!
3. Why did the army general go to the dentist? To get a little “commander” filling!
4. How does an army medic enjoy their coffee? They just espresso themselves!
5. Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the battlefield? Because he heard the enemy was outstanding in their fighting positions!
Family Friendly Army Jokes
Here’s some family friendly funny jokes about Army:
1. Why did the soldier break up with his calculator? Because it had too many divisions.
2. How does an army general keep his skin looking great? He uses “combat-der” cream.
3. Why did the scarecrow join the army? He heard they were outstanding in their field.
4. What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran.
5. Why do soldiers always carry a pen and a piece of paper? In case they need to draw their weapons.
6. Why did the soldier sleep under the tank? He wanted to get up oily in the morning.
7. How does a soldier greet his superior officer in the morning? With a “general” salutation.
8. Why don’t soldiers play hide and seek in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
9. How do you make a soldier laugh on the battlefield? Tell him a tank joke.
10. Why was the math book always in the army? Because it had too many problems.
11. What do you call a soldier who has survived pepper spray and tear gas? A seasoned veteran.
12. Why did the soldier wear camouflage to the wedding? He heard it was a military coup.
13. How does a soldier part his hair? In a military part.
14. Why do soldiers always carry a map? In case they get lost in battle, they can refer to the “route” they planned.
15. What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran.
16. Why do soldiers make great comedians? They have good camouflage-tive skills.
17. Why did the soldier join the plumbing team? He wanted to be a part of the seal team.
18. How did the soldier feel after a day of training? He was armored and dangerous.
19. Why do soldiers make terrible chefs? They always follow the “mess” orders.
20. How do you know if a soldier is good at gardening? He can always take command “in the trenches.”
Army Jokes One-liners – Short Jokes
1. Why did the scarecrow join the military? To be outstanding in his field.
2. Why do soldiers always carry a pen with them? In case they have to draw their weapons.
3. What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran.
4. Why did the soldier break up with his girlfriend? He had too much baggage to handle.
5. How does a soldier greet people? With a missile-toe.
6. Where do soldiers get their armor from? The army surplus store.
7. Why did the soldier put his money in the blender? He wanted to make some military spending cuts.
8. Why don’t soldiers play hide and seek? Good luck hiding with their camo on.
9. What’s a soldier’s favorite type of clothing? Combat boots.
10. Why don’t soldiers ever play hide and seek on base? Good luck hiding with their camo on.
11. How do soldiers stay warm in the winter? They stand in front of a firing squad.
12. Why did the soldier go to art school? To learn how to draw their weapons.
13. What’s a soldier’s favorite type of music? Heavy metal.
14. Why was the soldier sitting on the clock during battle? He wanted to be in the nick of time.
15. How does a soldier keep in touch with his family? By using his TANK phone.
16. How did the soldier heal his broken heart? With a little combat patching.
17. What do you call a sleeping soldier? A nap-tain.
18. Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the battlefield? He heard the war was escalating.
19. Why do Army Rangers make terrible comedians? Their jokes always miss the mark.
20. How do you find a missing soldier? You check the mess hall.
Army Dad Jokes
1. Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the battlefield? He heard the enemy was outstanding in their field.
2. How does an army general greet people? With a “salute”-ation!
3. What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran.
4. Why did the scarecrow join the army? He heard they were outstanding in their field.
5. Why do soldiers make terrible comedians? They always miss their “targets.”
6. Why did the soldier break up with his calculator? Because it had too many divisions.
7. How do soldiers stay cool during battle? They use “combat-ants” to keep their cool.
8. Did you hear about the soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? He’s a seasoned veteran now!
9. What did the sergeant say to the naughty recruit? Atten-hut, soldier!
10. Why did the soldier sleep under his tank? Because he wanted to get up oily in the morning.
11. Why was the computer cold during the winter? It left its Windows open.
12. What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? It was given two consecutive sentences.
13. Why did the soldier bring a pencil to the battlefield? In case he had to draw his weapons.
14. How do you make a tank stop? You shoot it, then it STOPS.
15. What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran.
16. Why did the soldier sleep under his tank? He wanted to get up oily in the morning.
17. How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots.
18. Why do soldiers make terrible comedians? Because their jokes never landmine.
19. Why did the soldier go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw his weapon.
20. What do you call it when a group of soldiers performs a musical? A military band.
Army Surreal Jokes
1. Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the battlefield?
Because he heard the enemies were high-ranking officers!
2. How did the military base stay cool in the summer?
They had air force fans!
3. How do you know if an army is good at cooking?
They always keep their tanks full!
4. Why did the army recruit a magician?
They needed someone to help with disappearing acts in camouflage!
5. What do you call a group of musical soldiers?
A harmonious platoon!
6. Why don’t soldiers play hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding when you’re always in camo!
7. What did the sergeant say to the overly enthusiastic soldier?
“Take a chill pill, not a grenade!”
8. How do soldiers stay in shape during battle?
They do push-ups and trench runs!
9. Why do soldiers make good comedians?
They always bring their A-game at the war of jokes!
10. What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran!
11. Why did the military base install a new fence?
To keep the generals locked up in their own ranks!
12. Why did the soldier bring a pencil to the war?
To draw his weapon!
13. How do you make a soldier laugh on a Monday?
Tell them a drill sergeant joke!
14. Why did the army switch to digital camouflage?
To keep up with the trend of invisible selfies!
15. What’s a soldier’s favorite type of music?
Heavy metal, of course!
16. Why do soldiers make great chefs?
They know how to whip up a mean combat stew!
17. What do you call a soldier who survived both lightning and a tornado?
A shock and awe survivor!
18. How do soldiers stay cool under pressure?
They just throw on their shades and keep marching!
19. Why don’t soldiers play cards in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs!
20. What’s a soldier’s favorite type of humor?
Friendly fire jokes – they always hit the mark!
Army Dark Humor Jokes
Here’s some funny Army jokes for adults:
1. Why did the soldier break up with his calculator? Because she couldn’t count on him.
2. How many soldiers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they prefer to work in the dark.
3. Why was the military base always so clean? Because they had a lot of sweeping statements.
4. Why did the military general go to therapy? Because he had too many issues to address.
5. What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran.
6. Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house.
7. Did you hear about the psychic soldier? He had a sixth sense of humor.
8. Why do soldiers make terrible comedians? Because they can’t handle friendly fire.
9. What do you get when you cross a military officer and a mathematician? Someone who can coordinate an air strike with precision.
10. Why don’t soldiers play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding from PTSD.
11. What’s a soldier’s favorite type of music? Heavy metal.
12. Why did the soldier bring a pencil to the battlefield? In case he had to draw his weapon.
13. How do you know if a soldier is having a bad day? He starts counting his grenades instead of sheep.
14. Why did the military detective bring a map to the crime scene? He wanted to take it in a different direction.
15. What do you call a soldier who survived a nuclear blast? Radiant.
16. What’s a soldier’s favorite type of humor? Dark comedy, it matches their uniforms.
17. Why was the military chef always calm under pressure? He knew how to stay cool in the heat of battle.
18. How do soldiers stay cool during combat? They have a lot of fans.
19. Why did the soldier go to art school? He wanted to master the art of war.
20. What do you call a soldier who’s also a musician? A sharpshooter.
How to Use Army Jokes In a Conversation?
Army jokes can be a great way to lighten the mood and bring some humor to a conversation. Whether you have a friend or family member in the military or just enjoy military-themed humor, incorporating army jokes can add a fun twist to any discussion. Here are some tips on how to effectively use army jokes in a conversation.
Know Your Audience
Before sharing army jokes, it’s important to consider your audience. Make sure the jokes are appropriate for the people you are speaking to. Avoid jokes that may be offensive or insensitive to those who have served in the military or have loved ones in the armed forces. Aim for jokes that are light-hearted and humorous without crossing any boundaries.
Use Relevant Jokes
When incorporating army jokes into a conversation, try to make them relevant to the topic at hand. For example, if discussing discipline or teamwork, a joke about military training can be fitting. This will not only make the joke more relatable but also keep the conversation flowing smoothly.
Timing is Key
Timing plays a crucial role in delivering army jokes effectively. Look for an appropriate moment to interject a joke, such as during a lighthearted discussion or when the conversation could use a bit of humor. Avoid forcing the joke into a serious or somber conversation, as this may come across as insensitive.
Delivery Matters
The way you deliver an army joke can enhance its impact. Use a cheerful and playful tone to convey the humor effectively. You can also use gestures or expressions to make the joke more engaging. A good delivery can make the joke more memorable and enjoyable for your audience.
Be Respectful
Above all, it’s essential to be respectful when using army jokes in a conversation. Avoid jokes that belittle or disrespect the sacrifices made by military personnel. Remember to always show appreciation for the service and dedication of those who serve in the armed forces. By being considerate and mindful of your audience, you can effectively incorporate army jokes to add humor and camaraderie to your conversations.
Final words
In conclusion, army jokes provide a light-hearted way to poke fun at the often intense and serious world of military service. These jokes can bring some much-needed levity to the daily life of soldiers and offer a fresh perspective on the challenges they face. With clever wordplay and humorous anecdotes, army jokes have a way of uniting people through shared laughter.
From drills to deployments, the humor found in these jokes reflects the camaraderie and unique experiences that come with serving in the armed forces. Whether it’s poking fun at military traditions or highlighting the absurdities of life in uniform, army jokes have a way of resonating with both military personnel and civilians alike. So next time you’re in need of a good laugh, don’t forget to share some hillarious army jokes to lighten the mood and spread some joy.